Tuesday, July 19, 2011

And Baby Makes 6!

That's right, we're having a BABY! We are so excited and can't wait for February 16th (my due date) to arrive. I'd be lying if I said this pregnancy has been easy so far. The sickness that has accompanied this pregnancy has been quite debilitating and I have spent many a day crying and feeling very depressed. It's hard for me to admit this, because having a baby is supposed to be such a fun and exciting time! But I know that my feelings are normal and that they will pass. I knew going into this pregnancy following our miscarriage last year, would make me more nervous and cautious, but I didn't realize how much until a couple weeks ago. Having felt sick and constantly praying for some kind of of relief, you would think that when I woke up one day feeling wonderful I would be so grateful and happy. Well that's not quite how it went. After two days of feeling seemingly normal I worked myself up into such a tissy and was convinced that something was wrong with the baby. After one evening full of panic attacks and crying, my sister, husband and mom, convinced me to call the doctor just to rest my mind at ease. First thing the next morning I called, and they were so sweet and told me I could come right in. Brandon went with me, because there was no way I was going alone again. I could tell he was really nervous too, and putting on a brave face for me. The moment my nurse walked in the door, I feel apart and told her of my worries that something was wrong with the baby. She was so sweet, handed me some Kleenexes and said, "lets take a peek." The second the image was on the screen she said, "hello ginormous baby!" That was music to my ears! I saw the heartbeat right away and immediately felt myself calm down. She told me what I was feeling is normal after having a miscarriage but said that everything looked great and so if I have days that I feel better, I just need to enjoy them! Since that day I have been having more and more easy days, and I have felt so much more calm and OK about it =) My sweet kids have been such troopers this summer. In summer's past I always planned fun outings, but this summer has been different. Me and Brandon joke that they will remember this summer as the summer they had to fend for themselves! They have never complained and have been so sweet through it all. I have asked a lot from them as far as helping around the house and they have always jumped to the task. About a month ago I decided to start keeping some sort of pregnancy journal. I only wrote a few days worth of things down, but I thought it was important to record my feelings, the good, the bad and the ugly! I wanted to remember the acts of kindness that have occurred. Here is some of what I have written. Some of the days I forgot to write the date:

7/14/11- I was having such a horrible day today. The nausea was so bad, and I just kept praying for some relief. My sweet friend Katie called out of the blue. I felt too sick to answer, but when I listened to the message she said she was bringing us dinner that night. =) I found a pregnancy morning sickness support group online. It was so nice to read about other mom's going through what I am going through, and to know that I am not alone. One mom suggested setting aside 15 minutes a day to lay quietly and think about your baby. I did this and it really helped me to feel better. Sometimes it is so hard to remember that at the end of this all I will have a precious little baby, and all of this suffering will be worth it. I really need to think about that more instead of focusing on my pain.

7/15/11- Today was my first doctor's appointment. I was so nervous! I purposely made it be when I would be further along then when we lost the baby last year. Everything looks good, and that little flutter of a heartbeat was the best sight to see. The only let down was that it said I was 8 weeks 4 days. Last time when we didn't get a heart beat the last measurement we had of the baby was 8 weeks, 6 days. That messed with my head a little, but I am doing OK now =)

7/17/11- Today was Sunday. I was determined to get us all ready to go to church. Brandon had a horrible migraine so it was up to me to get us all ready. I got up, got dressed, got the kids dressed, then I couldn't find Levi's shoes or any church socks for him. I looked around at all of the laundry piled up and the messy house, and just fell apart. We stayed home =(

7/18/11-- Today was a horrible day. I cried a lot. It actually made me feel better! For some reason, the only thing that sounded good to eat was a baked potato. I ate two of them today, and that's all.

7/19/11-Aexis made dinner. She got out the George Foreman grill, thawed some hamburgers and cooked them. What a sweetheart. She said she wants to make dinner every day until I am feeling better.

7/20/11-- Last night Alexis woke me up crying at around 1 am. She informed me that she had just thrown up all over the floor. Amazingly I felt OK when I got up and was able to clean the whole thing up without throwing up myself. I am worried she got sick from the hamburgers she made =(

Date Unknown-Today my mom came over to help with the dishes, do some laundry and make us dinner for tonight. She was here for 3 hours! She said she is going to come over as often as she can and help me get caught up with the laundry. She was such a lifesaver! I don't know what I would do with out her.
After my mom left today the girls took out the load of clothes that was in the dryer and folded them all. Then, they took the clothes from the washer, and put them in the dryer. Then Alexis decided to put another load in the washer. What sweethearts! (just as a side note, after the clothes were done in the washer, Alexis realized that she forgot to put laundry detergent in. lol)

Date unknown- Today as I was laying in bed trying to work up the courage to get up, my mother in law, Jana called. She said it was her day off and when she woke up she knew she needed to come help me. She came over and cleaned my house spotless. I was so embarrassed at the mess my house had become, and when she left I cried, because my house had never looked so clean! My mom also stopped by with soup for us for dinner. I sure felt spoiled today. All the help from my mom and now Jana has given me the motivation I need to keep things up better. Now I don't feel so overwhelmed by everything that I haven't been able to do and can now get a fresh start. =)

Well, those are some of the thoughts of a crazy overemotional pregnant woman. I can't help but feel a little whiny as I re-read some of that. But I have to be honest in my thoughts! I have been feeling pretty good this past week, and am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I look forward to the days when I can cook again, when I can brush my teeth without gagging, and when something besides baked potatoes and my mom's chicken enchilladas sounds good, lol. I can't wait to hold my precious sweet baby, who I have longed for. I know that will make this all worth it =)