A Winner!

I wonder if I will ever be good at keeping my blog updated. I have so many pictures that I want to post so that I will have them for my blog book. I will try to get caught up, but since one huge post is way too daunting for me, I will just post little ones here and there =) I can't let this fun experience go undocumented! About a month ago, a friend of ours gave us free tickets to the Shrine Circus. We went last year and so we couldn't pass up the opportunity to go again. It is definitely not your Barnum and Baily, but the kids love it and always have so much fun. When you walk into the Circus there are clowns handing out programs to everyone. They are so big, more like a magazine or book, so I almost didn't let the kids get them, but they really wanted to so they did. Well at intermission they announced that 12 of the books had a special stamp in them, and then told us which pages to look on. Brandon and I started looking through all of our books with no luck. We didn't even notice that sweet Tori was diligently looking through hers too, until we heard her say, "Look! I found it!" We both looked over to her, and sure enough, she had one of the stamped programs!! We couldn't believe it! Her and Brandon ran down there to the front not really knowing what was going on. When they got down there they saw several bikes lined up in a row. The ring master guy said, "Pick a bike!" This first picture is so funny. When they told her to pick a bike, Brandon said, "To keep?" To which the ring master said "Yes!" and then Brandon paused before saying..."Forever?" Haha it was so funny! Since Tori was the first one down there she got to have first pick of the bikes. It was such an exciting moment! What makes it so much more special, is that this year when we got out the bikes to ride, it was obvious that Tori's was too small for her and that she needed a new one. She was such a good sport on our bike rides, but always fell behind because her bike was just too little and made it hard for her to pedal. We promised that we would get her a new bike as soon as we could, (knowing that it would not be for some time, because business had been so slow and we were barely getting by as it was) So for her to win this bike, to me, was a sweet tender mercy from Heavenly Father. I know I am always saying that, but I really feel like it was. I was feeling so bad about not being able to get her a new bike. A friend that was there with us, and I had tears in our eyes as we watched the excitement on Tori's face as she picked out a beautiful bike. She was smiling from ear to ear. It was such an awesome night =)

Here she is showing the stamps on her program =)

Tori has been having so much fun riding her bike since she got it. She is becoming such a good little rider and now when we got on our bike rides she's always in the lead =)

April 13th

I have debated whether or not to post this. It is so personal. I decided to do it today, because today was supposed to be a very special day for our family. April 13th was day we were supposed to have another sweet baby enter into our family. September 13 that dream ended when I found out the baby I was carrying did not have a heartbeat. When it first happened I had an overwhelming desire to write everything down, to record all of my feelings. I wanted to remember every detail, down to what I was wearing that day. In my journal I cried as I wrote page upon page of my tender feelings. Miscarriage is a heart wrenching thing to go through. I wrote some of my feelings into a blog and left in my draft folder for the past seven months, not really knowing if I would ever post it. My sister encouraged me to, and so I am. Even though 7 months has past and I have gotten back into my normal routine, my heart still feels sad, and my arms ache to hold my baby. Maybe my words will comfort someone else who has gone through this or will go through this. Here is what I wrote on September 17, 2010: ************************************************************************************************************* "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." ~Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin. My sister has had this quote on her blog for quite some time. Although I have read it several times, I have read it through different eyes this time. Never did I think I would experience such sadness. I never understood the pain of miscarriage until I had to go through one myself. It has brought me comfort to record my feelings and emotions. 9 weeks and 5 days. I have counted every. single.day of this pregnancy. In 2 more days I would have been 10 weeks. It was the 13th, so I was exactly 2 months pregnant.. I was about 10 minutes early to a meeting I had with Levi's speech therapist on Monday, so as I sat in the car I thought I would call my doctor and see if they could see me that day. I was feeling a little crampy the week before, and not as sick as I have been throughout this pregnancy. I just threw up that morning though, so I am sure everything is just fine, I thought. Brandon was set to leave for Montana in 3 days, so I just want to make sure that everything is ok with the baby before he leaves. They had an appointment for 10:30. Perfect, I thought. That is just enough time for me to have my meeting. The meeting went really quickly so I decided to stop home really quick and grab my Joanns coupon. After the doctors office I wanted to stop and get some fabric to make a blanket for my sweet nephew who was just born on Saturday. Less the a half hour later I was told that my baby no longer had a heart beat. As she looked at the screen, the nurse practitioner said the baby was measuring 8 weeks 6 days. How far along are you? she asked. When she told me that, I knew 9 weeks and 5 days is what the baby should be measuring at, not 8 weeks 6. Where did you say your husband was going? She asked. Montana to sell roofs. I answered. After pausing she said, "I am glad he didn't go" Shock...confusion...disbelief..denial...sadness...tears...more tears...lack of understanding....how is this happening...is this happening....someone please tell me this isn't real....why me...why now...what if they are wrong...what did I do wrong...I want my baby... these are all feeling that I have felt this past week. Sometimes one by one, sometimes all at once, when I least expect it. This week has felt like a lifetime. Amidst the heartbreak that we have been feeling there have been blessings and tender mercies. My mom was supposed to be in Utah this week, but changed her ticket to go a week later so she could be home to help my dad with some things this week. What would I have done without her this week? I really don't know. Brandon was supposed to be in Grand Junction Monday morning in court for a ticket he got when we driving through there on our way to Las Vegas last month. The Friday before he had called and gotten it taken care of over the phone instead. Instead he was at home watching Levi while I ran my errands that morning. I went alone to the doctor thinking everything was just fine. When I received the news, he was only minutes away instead of hours. I don't think I could have walked out of that doctors office without his arms around me, holding me up. Brandon was supposed to leave for Montana to sell roofs on Thursday. Had I not felt like I should go to the doctor just to make sure everything was ok with the baby before he left, I probably would not have even known before he left. He would have gone on his trip and I could have miscarried all alone with him gone. The doctor said I could have gone another month before miscarrying. I have received phone calls, emails, texts, meals, flowers, thoughtful gifts, and many hugs from caring and compassionate friends and family. I have never felt so sad, but so loved at the same time. I know we will get through this, but that doesn't make it easy. Sometimes people tend to just think of the mother's feelings when a miscarriage has occurred. My sweet husband has hurt, and cried right along with me, and we both have grown so close during this. What would I do without him. I have scoured the Internet on lds.org trying to find something that will give me comfort. I have read so many different things, and have come to realize that I just have to accept that I don't understand why this happened, but I just have to trust that this was part of the Lord's plan, and some day one way or another I will see my sweet baby again. ****************************************************************************************************************** I hadn't read this again until a few days ago. I am glad that I wrote down my feelings when they were so near the surface. This experience effected me deeply. I will never forget the baby I was carrying and I have faith that I will see him or her again. We do not know if we will be able to add to our family while here on earth, but in my eyes we have already added to it. We just might have to wait a while to meet that special addition =)

Just Another Day....

Tonight after dinner I decided to head to King Soopers to get a strong cough medicine that my mom recommended for the kids. While I was there I picked up a few other groceries. I paid at the self checkout and the headed home. After bringing the groceries into the house, Levi walked up to me in the middle of one of his many coughing spells that he has been having lately. Excited to try out the new cough syrup, (yes that excites me) I proceeded to look through my bags for it. I quickly realized that it wasn't there. I looked through each bag a few more times, and then went out to the van to see if I had a left a bag behind. I did not see any so I went inside and looked at my receipt to see if it was on there. Sure enough it was along with some cough drops, hand soap, makeup, and shampoo, all of which were missing as well. So off I headed back to King Soopers. I walked into the store expecting the checker to happily say, "Oh thank goodness you came back, here's you bag!" Well it didn't happen quite like that. I walked up to the lady who was in charge of the self checkout stands, and when I realized she didn't recognize me, told her that I had left a bag behind. "ummm, I don't think so" She said, obviously not convinced. I proceeded to show her my receipt and all of things that I was missing. She said I would have to go to guest services. Thankfully the lady there was much friendlier. She said that no one had turned anything in, but to go ahead and go and get the things that I was missing. I was so relieved! I went back and got my five items and the went back up to the service desk. She looked through my receipt, and then put "paid" stickers on my items. When I got back to my van I couldn't help but be puzzled as to why no one had turned in my groceries that I had left behind. I opened up the back of my van just to look one last time. Just like before, nothing was there. But then I saw a groceries bag sticking out from under the seat. Aha! There they were. They had simply shuffled during the drive, and slid under the seat. In my defense, it was really dark outside, the lights in my car weren't on, and there was a big stroller in the back blocking my view under the seat even more. Boy did I feel silly. So back into the store I went with my bag full of "missing" items. I walked up to the nice lady, told her I must be losing it a little and apologized. She laughed sympathetically. I offered to put the items back, but I think she realized I had been through enough humiliation so she said not to worry about it. I drove back home, with my items that were never really missing, and finally was able to give my kids the cough medicine.

You would think I would be completely frazzled at this point, but I was surprisingly calm. This past week I have found myself on more then one occasion feeling very stressed and overwhelmed having to deal with a house full of sick people, while being sick myself. But tonight as I tucked my kids in, rubbed vicks on their chests, turned on the humidifier and made sure everyone was fully stocked with Kleenexes, I couldn't help but feel peaceful. Yes this has been a really hard week. I am embarrassed to admit that my kids constant coughing has a few times almost driven me insane! But I am so grateful that I get to be their mom, that I get to be here to comfort them when they are sick, that they come to me to help them to feel better. I love them so much and I would not have it any other way.

As I was writing this blog, Tori sleep walked into Levi's room thinking it was the bathroom and threw up all over his floor. Oh the joys of motherhood! =)

Lately....

Here's the basket of medicine that has been sitting on our counter for the past weekThere are prescriptions, cough medicines, Advil, herbal oils, vitamins and inhalers. All things that we have needed on a regular basis at our house lately, and I am so OVER it! It started last Saturday when I developed a sore throat and it has been downhill from there. We have had sore throats, stomach aches, headaches, croup, and high fevers, one after another. Just when I think things are looking up, another fever hits. Alexis has had a fever since Wednesday, Levi's finally broke today, and right before bed tonight Tori starting running one. Alexis and Levi have both had chest x-rays. Thankfully it is not pneumonia. The doctor tells us it's a bad case of the flu, which doesn't looking to be letting up any time soon.

Today, Brandon was feeling much better, and so he was so sweet to let me rest all day while he took care of the kids. I am feeling a lot better now, and hopefully I'm on the up end of it.

We are feeling so stir crazy and cooped up! The kids have a four day weekend thankfully, so we've just been able to lounge around and relax. But after a while that gets old! I told the kids that we are going on a walk around the lake so we can get some fresh air. We just have to get out of this house!

Next year we will be getting flu shots!

Once Upon a Lilly Pad

Alexis and Tori have been in a musical theatre class for the past little while and a few weeks ago, they had their first performance! It was called Once Upon a Lilly pad. They were so excited and nervous but they did so good, and were so much fun to watch. Alexis was a firefly and a bird, and Tori was an alligator. They worked so hard on their parts and they did great! The parents weren't allowed to watch rehearsals so we didn't know at all what to expect.

Here is Alexis and one of her friends after the show

Here are our two cuties. They were so cute to watch! When their parts came up I was grinning ear to ear. I was so proud of them! Especially of our sweet shy Tori who said her part perfectly. A few weeks before the performance, one of the girls in their class dropped out, so Alexis got her part. It included a solo. She sounded so pretty as she sang it! =)

The girls good friends Kayla and Haylee Beyerlein are in their class with them, and they all had a blast together.

We took a ton of pictures afterwards, and finally had to leave because another class was starting.

The girls had a lot of people cheering them on that night. They were so happy that Grandma, Grandpa, Michael, Nana and Papa all came to support them.

Here they are with their teacher. She was so much fun and the girls just love her.

A new session starts tomorrow. The girls are so excited to continue on and can't wait to find out what their next performance will be. Neither can I! =)

Alexis's Thoughts

We have been trying to be better at reading our scriptures as a family and have figured out that reading before we take the girls to school seems to work best. Over the past week we finished reading Jacob, read Enos, Jarom and Omni (which each consist of only one chapter) and are starting on words of Mormon tomorrow. At the end of each of these chapters the prophet writing is nearing the end of his life and so he turns the plates over to his son or brother to continue recording the record of their people. When we get to the end of a chapter we always talk about who is going to be writing next. After this had gone on for a few chapters, and when we had finished another one Alexis exlaimed:

"I just can not beleive it! They only pass it on to their sons to write in it. It's just like when women couldn't vote!!"

Oh my goodness did we get a laugh out of that! I had to write it down. Alexis is always so attentive and always asks the best questions =)

hAPPY bIRTHDAY cINDY!

Today is a special day! It's my sweet sister Cindy's Birthday. Every year month after month she writes the sweetest happy birthday posts to everyone in our family. How can I let today go by without a tribute post to her?? We had so much having you here with us at Christmas time and wish that could be how it is all of the time. Here are some things that make you so special:

~You are so supportive and genuinely interested in everything that is going on in our lives

~You have great fashion sense

~You make the yummiest treats

~Family is so important to you

~You have taken on the role of motherhood with ease, and are the cutest mom

~You are a great blogger, and have a great talent for writing.

~ You are so much fun to hang out with

~ Your house is decorated so cute

~You love to take pictures, and always capture all of the important moments

~You are a wonderful, sister, sister in law, mother, aunt,wife, daughter, friend, and so much more!

We love you so much, and hope that this Birthday is as wonderful as you are. Come and visit us again soon!